This is Oslo calling... Dear god the Eastern Europeans are serious about this...

This is your on the ground eurovision correspondent... and indeed probably the only eurovision correspondent you know...

So I haven't been writing as much the last few days so I'm a little bit behind on my eurovision updates. I've got two Eurovision events to write about now. The Second Semi Final and the Dress Rehearsal I went to... The ''Big Event'' is tonight and I'm watching it with Eirik and a few of his Norwegian friends. Then we will go out in the city afterwards.

Anyway The SECOND SEMI...

First of all I went in a bit later this time so I was on a crowded bus and when I got to the arena it was more crowded generally... Mainly due to the time I think, rather than it being more packed out. I had my bag xrayed, so they upped the security too.

The Swedes and the Irish were out in force... with Lithuania and Azerbaijan having reasonable numbers in the crowd too. It was quite funny seeing groups of drunken Irish and Swedish guys singing songs and chants like it was some football event.

My seat was on the otherside of the arena this time... a slightly worse angle but in the front row so I had heaps more leg space =)

I think the Swedes were cheating however giving everyone in the audience glowsticks to wave (I typed this ''glowstix'' the first time... oh how cool am I). That got a lot of the crowd on side... We love free stuff.

I think this semi was the semi final for those who could afford to pay extra for fireworks and stuff. And the pre warm up screen typer was even worse this time... if that was possible. Maybe like me they blew all their good stuff in the first semi?

Other observations... All the good stuff you've heard about Swedish girls is true, and western/northern Europe see this as kinda a tacky and gay event... But the Eastern Europeans are fucking serious as death about this... They don't just want to win, it's a matter of National Pride that they win.

I think it's actually a great thing Australia DOESN'T enter the eurovision... This way we don't get stuck having to support the Australian entry which lets face it would suck balls 99% of the time... MASSIVELY suck balls... like Australian idol only way way way worse.

I was sitting amongst a bunch of Latvians and Cypriots and the Cypriot girls are going bonkers for everything and know all the words to the songs. There was also a coupe of freaking weird Armenian guys dancing and going berserk just down the row from me... Lucky the security guard keep telling them to sit down...

But watching the crowd the Swedes were the kings and queens of the dress up at this semi and there was a fair number of people taking photos of complete strangers. Generally the crowd was a little more nuts at this event, you even had the Lithuanians marching around in circles.

It was the exact same warm up lady and dance group doing the exact same warm up routine. I guess when you've gone to all the trouble to learn those eurovision and abba songs you'd want to do them more than once. Only some slight variations in warm up were used, such as the suss lines ''will you send all your love onto this little man'' and we will be ''showering with love''.... ewww sounds like a one way trip to STD land to me. The other line that was a bit of an oops was the warm up lady (who was a bit kerrie anne kennerly I think) saying ''See this big camera here? This motherfucker is very dangerous''... I loved it.

And now onwards onto the countries entries.

Lithuania... This entry was clearly my favourite here. The group around me went nuts. They had pretend instruments and a pant rip off... Everything you could need in a eurovision entry.

Armenia... This was really really lame. The chick is the bustiest performer in the eurovision and the little Armenian man down the row completely lost his shit over it. This entry also started the trend at this semi for fire shooting on stage and I could feel the heat even in my seat (40m away)

Israel... A ballad in Hewbrew... hmmm not the most beautiful language. Also he was very breathey... see my euro semi one post to see my views on that. This was also the first entry I noticed an early break to some of the swedish glowsticks... A little early much? As Maddog would say... FAIL. Additionally this guy has really weird ears...

Denmark... Always an entry I don't like... nice to see some trends remain. Fancy split boards and fireworks won't stop this entry still being painfully lame.

Switzerland... I had low expectations here even if they won the first eurovision. Once again look at his weird ears... And do you pay extra to enter with fire? You could smell the smoke/gas in the crowd... Oh and the swiss backing guitar man never seemed to make it to camera... poor guy

Sweden... The glowsticks worked better than I thought they would. A ballad but the crowd was onside because of the glowsticks, I wonder what would happen if they won the final, would they have to give everyone two sets of sticks? It was funny how after she stopped playing the guitar you could still hear it being played... I also saw the whole green room clapping for the entries as they go back stage... that's nice

Azerbaijan... Another power ballad... Drip drop... hmm. I felt sorry for the guy, al he did was help her dance and she was tearing into him.

Ukraine... God they dropped the ball this year... The highlight is her starting with a jedi hood on... Clearly this is a wind powered ballad. I think she must've won Ukrainian idol. The camera run by the man is pretty cool though.

The Netherlands... This entry was surprisingly popular and I saw a fucking blow up kangaroo in the front of the pit . An interesting start and the little clock people kept up their moves the whole time. The chick singer was dancing to herself before the entry even started though... I'm not sure how I feel about that.

It also appears the Lithuanians in the green room spent the whole time shaking their sparkly asses.

Romania... Crowd popular entry here and fireworks just like I assumed... I kinda wanted the piano to be set on fire too though. The also had little fire guns... YAY. But is it safe for her to be wearing that plastic that close to fire?

Slovenia... Did cock rock only just hit Slovenia? This is really crap. Hilarious, but definitely not good. Goodbye

Ireland- The Irish crowd went nuts and for some reason had a soccer ''ole'' chant happening. This chick has won eurovison before in Irelands three victories straight. A dull but popular ballad.

Bulgaria... WTF is with all the wings and stuff? The bodypaint and sparkles and wings had me in the mind of the old 80s cartoon silverhawks... anyone remember that? Thinking about it, didn't the silverhawks play space guitar to beat the badguys? And the lead singer shares a haircut with one of the characters I'm sure... I think these are the fittest dancers in the Eurovision... but they still look kinda creepy.

Cyprus... Will give the 12 points to GREECE! Sorry I pre empted myself there

Crap, but the girls in the crowd you see going nuts were just behind me... Oh so lame an entry... the twilight of eurovision if you listen to the lyrics.

Croatia... Feminem... I exhausted my jokes about this group name last time they competed. Oh so very very meh... And breathey =( But they do have very very long legs and a lame love heart end.

Georgia... These guys were flyering out the front asking for votes... Clearly they're not confident. And the artists appear not to have shoes or shirts... I liked the specialist floor dancing chick who was barely on camera. I swear she didn't stand up under her own power the whole time.

Turkey... Another favorite of mine... Every 2 years or so the Turkish entry is hilarious and this is one of those years. They had awesome 90s shaped guitars with some great posing from the guitarist.

But that's neglecting the most awesome part of this entry (besides general hilarious emoness) which is the FUCKING ROBOT! A robot that SHOOTS FIRE! and dances and then strips down to a scantily clad woman... But it's a ROBOT THAT SHOOTS FIRE! I repeat A ROBOT THAT SHOOTS FIRE.

Finishing the entries off meant I could stretch my legs... that was AWESOME! and then they had a last place tribute... that was brilliant, but terrible, but mainly brilliant.

The post vote closing video was fucking weird again... and then they talked to some Australians... different ones to the ones I'd seen so there is at LEAST 7 of us there

Then moving onto the Dress Rehearsal I went to. This was the Friday night and the exact same as the final, but without a winner and just for some camera shots in advance. More people attended than I thought would, but obviously less than at the final. It was a lot more chilled out and had a lot of Norwegians and families and stuff. Much less flag waving except for some dick waving an Australian flag... clearly we just don't get it.

They xrayed my bag again and the lady recognised me from before... the repeat offender terrorist I am. Once again it was the same host and jokes for the warm up and clearly the ''big motherfucker'' of a camera joke went down a treat as it was repeated. There was more Norwegian and French in it though but I could almost do that job now. Some of the jokes were getting better laughs though, I guess practice makes perfect.

Although to spoil an aspect of the show for you the audience does some dancing... and yes I remember the moves and can teach you them. It was ambitious but worked better than I thought. Also everyone has to stand because apparently the princess is coming.

The show is cranked up for the final though... Opening with last years winner was VERY popular with the crowd... it is still catchy though. Look at the backup dancers dancing like human pretzels.

So the order of entries is below... but I've commented on most so I'll only write about the 5 new ones and anything else I've noticed

1. Azerbaijan
2. Spain... LOOK AT HIS HAIR... oh and the weirdo dancing. Lucky for them they auto qualify, because this is the visual and musical equivalent of eating 3 bags of fairy floss. Look for the bonehead in the black suit too.
3. Norway... No violins like I assumed... This entry is so boring I couldn't even generate a strong enough opinion negatively...
4. Moldova... I love it... One of my favourites. I love her costume and the air hump during sax solo. And the violinist seems to think he's metal.
5. Cyprus
6. Bosnia
7. Belguim- This could be a dark horse and do well. But to make a point it's not just him and his guitar, there are 2 other dudes on stage at the back.
8. Serbia
9. Belarus
10. Ireland
11. Greece
12. UK... They start in boxes and then it goes downhill. He is crap and reminds me of Ian Thorpe. I bet he'd enjoy a pearl necklace like thorpie.... OOoooohhhh! Zing! And to those of you who think I'm gross, no I'm just Rock and Roll (and if you get THAT reference I will love you long time).
13. Georgia
14. Turkey =)
15. Albania
16. Iceland
17. Ukraine
18. France... Clearly they got all their Frenchness out last year. This entry is pretty good, if the voting blocks work for them they could be a winner too. Eastern Europe can stop it though. Lots of energy and the crowd loves it, but the performance itself seems almost chaotic like they're making it up on the spot.
19. Romania
20. Russia
21. Armenia
22. Germany... Well she's cute (even if it's illegal for me to say so given her age) and looks like she's having more fun on stage than any other entry (she almost looks like she's having fun on singstar)... She won't win though. Catchier and poppier than last year and I like her tattoo.
23. Portugal
24. Israel
25. Denmark

They then did the crowd dancing stuff which will work ok I think... as I said I know the moves and will bust them out for you. They then tried to pretend the voting, and I wasn't going to sit through an hour of PRETEND voting so I left to go out in the city.

In summary I think France COULD win... Serbia will be the eastern european/balkan favourite (booo) and Belgium is a dark horse to do well. But my favourites (whom I will be voting for, for the first and last time ever) are Moldova and Turkey

So now it's time to bring on the main event...

Løve, hugs ænd kisses

ÅNt