This blog is essentially a collection of posts I used to write on Facebook combined with my travel blog and expanded to make a very public forum of my thoughts regarding Pop Culture, The Interweb, Cartoons, Comics, Ultimate Frisbee, Absurdity, Life, Travel and whatever else captures my attention long enough to write about it...

Enter at your own peril!

6 October 2011

I'll probably get blacklisted for this- Putin Facts

So for those of you that don't know, my current (and has been for the last 5 years or more) favourite political leader to read news stories about is Russia's own Vlad Putin. Not because I agree with any of his politics, simply because I find some/most (if not all) of the shit he pulls to sound like it should be coming directly from some form of James Bond/Jason Bourne script... or low budget airport techno thriller. What with his friends in business threatening the competition by invoking the Putin bogeyman and the posting of plutonium to people (not to mention that whole "poisoning the leader of the Ukraine" thing).
Seriously, read your news stories and the simpsons "That's what we wanted you to think" quote about the soviet union never disbanding doesn't seem that far fetched. What with the todays article about Putin wanting a Eurasian Union to form when he goes back to the presidency I think we may have missed the button pressing part of the gag.

But that's not the bit that amuses me the most however it's the media shots like he's superman or something... Both the fact that he does it AND that he gets away with it... The hunting, fishing, bear fighting, shirtless horse riding, finding of atlantis etc... It's like he thinks he's some sort of Iron Man... Much like the internet thinks Chuck Norris is... then it occured to me PUTIN FACTS... problem is most of them seem a little to realistic
  1. Putin put the laughter into slaughter... on TV...
  2. Putin got bitten by a cobra once... after five days of excruciating pain the cobra died... when asked why he simply stares at you... grimly... on TV
  3. If it looks, tastes, smells and feels like chicken and Putin says it’s beef... then it’s beef... or plutonium... on TV
  4. Putin doesn’t actually hunt on TV, because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure... Putin goes killing... on TV
  5. Superman may own Chuck Norris Pyjamas, but Chuck Norris owns Putin Pyjamas... on TV
  6. Putin doesn’t read books, he just stares till he gets the information he wants... on TV
  7. The only thing that gets between Putin and Justice is an equals sign... on TV
  8. Putin can strangle you with a cordless phone... on TV
  9. Putin doesn’t play hide and seek, he plays hide and pray I don’t find you... on TV
  10. If Putin pokes you on facebook you feel it... on TV
  11. Putin doesn’t lie, he makes up truths... on TV
  12. There was a Putin street, but the name needed to be changed... Noone crosses Putin and lives... on TV
  13. Putin counted to infinity... twice... on TV
  14. Some children piss their name into the snow... Putin does it into concrete... on TV
  15. Putin built a snowman out of rain... on TV
  16. The only time Putin has been wrong was when he thought he made a mistake... on TV
  17. Putin likes to knit sweaters in his spare time... and buy knit we mean wrestle and by sweaters we mean tigers... on TV
  18. Putin won Russian Idol using only sign language... on TV
  19. How many pushups can Putin do? All of them... On TV
  20. Putin once drowned a shark underwater... On TV

Seriously if you heard ANY of those on sbs news as Putins latest political stunt it would seem just as real as the stuff he does do... 
Love, Hugs and Slightly terrified kisses

ps I am totally not opening any parcels for me in the next few weeks... 'specialy not the glowy ticky ones