Eurovision 2012

So I'm a week late... which is pretty close to how I run with deadlines at work atm too, anyway the Eurovision was run and won (by Azerbaijan and Sweden respectively) and I thought I'd put in a quick post to keep up with the last few years.

I was in B-town playing in the B-town stampede over the weekend which meant I didn't get to catch the Eurovision with as much focus as normal. I got to see semi one with people arriving towards the end, the beginning of semi two and I was home for the final. This means I didn't really get to see all the entries to try and judge the weirdest of the lot... although Montenegro's Rambo Amadeus had to come close... followed by Austria's Trackshittaz (although I think Rambo has everyone beaten this year for the weird factor... Austria just draw close on the shit factor... and the looking creepy factor).

Again I didn't come close to picking the winner, but it was pretty obvious it was going to be Sweden by round 8. The only real surprise was how well Albania went with that terribly creepy chick that they had. Moldova (whom was apparently left the Sunstroke Project before their 2010 Eurovision tilt) finished middle of the pack-ish which is good because I do love their entries (although disappointingly he changed his shorts and there wasn't the bride fighting... although the choreography was hilarious)... and the fact the Russian grannies did as well as they did is pretty cool too. I thought Italy would have done better. I also felt Norway deserved a better place (although I think Sweden stole a lot of it's votes).

Unsurprisingly the host guy was creepy as hell, but the other two chicks weren't bad... The hosts are slowly (very very slowly) improving over the years... now it's generally only one that is toe curlingly horrifying rather than both/all three. There was also a lot of "Azerbaijan Land of boring boring" in between songs which I was fairly certain would be there.

So Sweden won... which at least means they will be able to afford to host it next year... that's a good thing

I was also going through my draft posts here (there's a few blog post idea's there that I couldn't be assed writing up properly yet) and decided fuck it... I'll just add the vid links here without any segue into them at all

so as a bonus here are two of my favourite muppet clips ever

Sax and Violence (with two of my fav muppets) and Marvin Sugg's Muppaphone

Love hugs and Kisses
ANt

Eurovision 2012 - Where the hell is Baku?

I'm not dead... I just have a job...

I feel a bit like Axecop...  definitely the no breakfast and the time of my job being "always"... I've been working some stupidly long hours and don't really feel like I have much time for faffing around anymore. =( In particular the periodic 5am wake ups and Saturday shifts (not to mention the 5am Saturday wake ups) are tough... especially when they're on top of a 40 hour 9 to 5 week (that is generally closer to a 830 to 530 day)

oh well

Anyway I forced myself to log on and make a post about the eurovison just to keep up with what seems to be one of the central topics to this blog.

For those who don't remember (and I'm going on memory here) last year Azerbaijan beat Sweden (my tip for victory) late in the voting with that creepy duet between the young guy that looked skeevy and the older chick who didn't know she was way to old to be singing and looking longingly at the young skeevy guy... I wasn't a fan... but that means Baku, capital of Azerbaijan is hosting the event... and except for where Azerbaijan is, that Baku is the capital and that it has fought a few wars with neighbouring Armenia I know 2/5ths of fuck all about the country...so I did what everyone does and googled it. and came up with the following get to know Azerbaijan facts:

• Apparently funerals are a big deal with hundreds of guest and big outdoor tents with professional caterers costing like 1/3rd of the average salary in a year...
• Freestyle wrestling the national sport along (I won't even bother with the jokes)
• Chess and backgammon as national past times (again no jokes)

 then I came across this charmer from the CIA factbook "local scientists consider the Abseron Yasaqligi (Apsheron Peninsula) (including Baku and Sumqayit) and the Caspian Sea to be the ecologically most devastated area in the world because of severe air, soil, and water pollution; soil pollution results from oil spills, from the use of DDT pesticide, and from toxic defoliants used in the production of cotton"
 hmmm sounds like an exciting place.

Apparently in the 80s Azerbaijan was a big tourism place (and part of the Soviet Union) with that dying off in the 90s thanks to yet another Armenia/Azerbaijan conflict. And all the tourist attractions I could see in my (very quick) interweb search involved things being old and "cultural", which admittedly sounds a bit better than Moldova's "organised crime and people smuggly" and I'd still like to go there (Moldova) so I shouldn't mock them to mercilessly (but I probably will because I'm in a mood).

Anyway I think the eurovision could be seen as a big deal by the Azerbaijan government... which in itself is a worry... but I would then guess we're going to be in for a good couple of hours worth of "look at our culture" during the show... which is always painful...
With 42 countries entering I really can't be assed looking at any of them in advance (except for one... more on that later) so I'll just list out my pre-eurovision thoughts

• Spain's entry will be terrible... they don't care and they definitely don't want to be stuck hosting next year (because it's expensive) so they need to make sure they don't win... And given they're "big 4" (or is it "big 5" now Italy is back) they automatically get into the final... so that halves their chance of losing, so they need to make sure they don't win
• Italy is back... still 
• And on that note apparently Jedward (that horrible red cordial and ADHD overdose from Ireland in 2011) is back... Last year I was horrified that if they did well there would be copycats... I never dreamed they'd pull a Lena (who I actually liked) and be back....
• Will anyone vote for Greece (besides the 12 points they ALWAYS get from Cyprus)... I know I said this before and Opa did well but this year has got to increase the political tension (at least Germany and Greece probably won't vote for each other)
• England are entering Englbert Humperdinkelbert in some vague attempt to look like they're being serious (therefore giving them the right to bitch when noone votes for them) but not actually risk winning and having to host it
• One entry I have seen in advance was Russia... because they were the first entry to qualify. It's better than Russia's normal entries

And finally I googled the Moldovan entry... every year they delight me and they still haven't dropped the ball. I won't go into my love affair with Moldovan Eurovision here (it has its own post on the blog already) but I will say watch this entry... hilarious and insane and the bestest shorts ever worn by man... "This trumpet makes you mine girl"... no I'm pretty sure it's the shorts that make me yours dude... not to mention the bride fighting and riding... seriously what is up with that country... hilarious

Love Hugs and Kisses
ANt

It's like Poetry 2

So another song that the lyrics make me chuckle

From the album "Descent into the Valley of..." by The Planet Smashers I caught these guys earlier in the year playing with The Royals and they were pretty sweet. It's not the BEST song on the album (which is "the hippopotamus") but it's a good one.

Anyway the song is called "I'm ok if you want to Party" and I can't think of the number of times I've felt like this

Out in the streets the night is winding down
You say "it's ok buddy, we'll figure something out now".
I'm feeling content. I could call it and be done
Cause it's past last and we just finished our last round

But you just smile and wave away my concern
"We can't give up, or else we'll never learn"
So tonight must go on, on and on!

I'm ok if you want to party
We'll stay awake all night
Just like those kids in college
I'm ok if you want to party
We'll stay awake all night
Led by our beerful knowledge

It's well past 5 and this party is slowing down,
You say "it's ok buddy, I've got a plan for later on".
Later on? Really? There's still a later on?
Cause I was gonna grab a cab and get myself out of town

But you just smile and wave away my concern
"We can't give up, or else we'll never learn"
So tonight must go on, on and on!

I'm ok if you want to party
We'll stay awake all night
Just like those kids in college
I'm ok if you want to party
We'll stay awake all night
Led by our beerful knowledge

 I'm pretty sure we've all had nights like this
Love, Hugs and Kisses
ANt

I'll probably get blacklisted for this- Putin Facts

So for those of you that don't know, my current (and has been for the last 5 years or more) favourite political leader to read news stories about is Russia's own Vlad Putin. Not because I agree with any of his politics, simply because I find some/most (if not all) of the shit he pulls to sound like it should be coming directly from some form of James Bond/Jason Bourne script... or low budget airport techno thriller. What with his friends in business threatening the competition by invoking the Putin bogeyman and the posting of plutonium to people (not to mention that whole "poisoning the leader of the Ukraine" thing).

Seriously, read your news stories and the simpsons "That's what we wanted you to think" quote about the soviet union never disbanding doesn't seem that far fetched. What with the todays article about Putin wanting a Eurasian Union to form when he goes back to the presidency I think we may have missed the button pressing part of the gag.

But that's not the bit that amuses me the most however it's the media shots like he's superman or something... Both the fact that he does it AND that he gets away with it... The hunting, fishing, bear fighting, shirtless horse riding, finding of atlantis etc... It's like he thinks he's some sort of Iron Man... Much like the internet thinks Chuck Norris is... then it occured to me PUTIN FACTS... problem is most of them seem a little to realistic

1. Putin put the laughter into slaughter... on TV...
2. Putin got bitten by a cobra once... after five days of excruciating pain the cobra died... when asked why he simply stares at you... grimly... on TV
3. If it looks, tastes, smells and feels like chicken and Putin says it’s beef... then it’s beef... or plutonium... on TV
4. Putin doesn’t actually hunt on TV, because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure... Putin goes killing... on TV
5. Superman may own Chuck Norris Pyjamas, but Chuck Norris owns Putin Pyjamas... on TV
6. Putin doesn’t read books, he just stares till he gets the information he wants... on TV
7. The only thing that gets between Putin and Justice is an equals sign... on TV
8. Putin can strangle you with a cordless phone... on TV
9. Putin doesn’t play hide and seek, he plays hide and pray I don’t find you... on TV
10. If Putin pokes you on facebook you feel it... on TV
11. Putin doesn’t lie, he makes up truths... on TV
12. There was a Putin street, but the name needed to be changed... Noone crosses Putin and lives... on TV
13. Putin counted to infinity... twice... on TV
14. Some children piss their name into the snow... Putin does it into concrete... on TV
15. Putin built a snowman out of rain... on TV
16. The only time Putin has been wrong was when he thought he made a mistake... on TV
17. Putin likes to knit sweaters in his spare time... and buy knit we mean wrestle and by sweaters we mean tigers... on TV
18. Putin won Russian Idol using only sign language... on TV
19. How many pushups can Putin do? All of them... On TV
20. Putin once drowned a shark underwater... On TV

Seriously if you heard ANY of those on sbs news as Putins latest political stunt it would seem just as real as the stuff he does do... 

Love, Hugs and Slightly terrified kisses

ANt

ps I am totally not opening any parcels for me in the next few weeks... 'specialy not the glowy ticky ones

Super Powers

So this is flowing out of a couple of discussions I've had with people about "what super power would you have?" (shock horror that I've had that discussion) with a few people over the years.

Basically it comes down to a discussion of 5 powers for me with a pros and cons thing

I generally ignore all the super strength/fighty type powers, I wouldn't want them or use them given I'm not a very fighty type person. So none of those will really be covered, just the powers I like, starting with;

1. Invisibility- My favourite power and totally underused in comics. How can the bad/good guys stop the guy they can't see? Yeah yeah Wolverine could smell him or Spiderman has the spider sense thing... but seriously no faceless grunt could stop you and you could steal all sorts of stuff... And the potential for mischief is huge. But then you have the downside of just what can you turn invisible. Is it just you? Your clothes? Things you're holding? What if you're wearing/holding to much? Do you have to nude up each time you're going invisible? If so it's kinda losing the edge there.
2. Immortality- Think Ra's Al Ghul or the Highlander. Upside you don't die... downside everyone else does... Upside years to horde weath etc (there's a reason those guys are rich)... downside you have to "reinvent" yourself every generation which would have to be getting trickier. An extra personal downside for me was pointed out by my brother, my complete lack of an attention span would probably only get worse and I end up developing some weird international conspiracy to keep myself busy... but it would serve no purpose other than the extermination of Justin Bieber/Reality TV/whatever else I've decided I don't like that decade.
3. Super Speed- Again a favourite of mine, mainly because I like the flash. You'd be super hard to beat in combat because you're so much faster etc and the commute to work wouldn't be terrible. But the thing is, just because you have super speed people assume you have the implict super fitness. All super speed means is you run QUICKER not FURTHER. A 30km run to work is still a 30km run no matter the speed you are running... Sure you'd get fit, but you're still not going to swim the pacific (or run on top of it) not matter how fast you go...
4. Teleportation-  I do love Nightcrawler... And the ability to instantly teleport places would be awesome... However teleporting loses out massively in upside/downside. The assumption with teleporting are generally that you can't teleport into something (that would suck), you can do it to locations you can't see despite the earth turning however fast it turns blah blah blah and that you can teleport more than just yourself... Otherwise you'd arrive naked without any of your fillings... which would be awkward and ouchie... Solve all those probs and I'm all for teleporting, but I'll hold off risking it until that time...
5. Flight- I like flight, completely useless in comics but imagine being able to fly to work. And in the upside/downside discussion it has very few downsides. You don't have to nude up for it, you should be able to carry at least a backpack of stuff with you. You might not be able to go super high due to the oxygen concentrations but you could easily get a couple of hundred metres up and fly off to work... Fun... Definitely the power I'd end up choosing I think.

There you go, choose flight =P

Love, Hugs and Kisses

ANt