This blog is essentially a collection of posts I used to write on Facebook combined with my travel blog and expanded to make a very public forum of my thoughts regarding Pop Culture, The Interweb, Cartoons, Comics, Ultimate Frisbee, Absurdity, Life, Travel and whatever else captures my attention long enough to write about it...

Enter at your own peril!

12 May 2010

CeleBRATies... Did you see what I did there?

So some new content is clearly needed so I decided to crap on about something that has been pissing me off for a while (which isn't related to religion, politics or the imminent stock exchange destroying revolution... because most people don't like it when I start yelling and screaming about things that matter). So we're going to shit on about CeleBRATies (you see it's funny because I'm saying "celebrities" but also "brats" at the same time... inferring these celebs are actually brats... it's a pun... and funny)

Anyway this is sparked by the fact that half the "news" featured on my mobile seems to revolve around Lara Bingle, Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian (thank you 3 network... lord knows you wouldn't want REAL news given to people).

So first of all... Who the fuck is Justin Bieber? Like seriously... What does he do? I've gathered he's 16 and the girls seem to riot over him... But I can't seem to work out what he does. I'm making a guess he's a singer of some form but that seems to mean nothing these day. Apparently Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan are singers too... Now I may be dating myself (because no-one else will! SELF ZING!) but "back in my day" singers and musicians actually SUNG and played music... Myspace is a quite successful forum for new musicians because you can go to their thing and listen to them, but this little pint size (I'm assuming he's short, I've not seen anything but a headshot) teenage fuckhead seems to do most of his promotion by twitter... Isn't twitter more of a text thing? Now my twitter experience consists solely of getting frisbee results so I'm not the most up to date there... but twitter doesn't make any noise! Singers are paid to MAKE noise...

And yes the "offensive" appeal of Mr M Manson and Blink 182 etc probably did mask the fact that their music kinda sucked. But they never had fucking riots on the streets... Either way, pop music sucks and so do manufactured celebs.

Anyway apparently he (the bieb-fuck) tweeted (or maybe twated) that he was dating someone and she got death threats (possibly to her twitter?). There's so much wrong with that I don't even know where to start... so we shall move on
Anyway the death threat chick was Kim Kardashian... WHO IS OLDER THAN ME! This kid is fucking 16... all kinds of wrong there... "1/2 your age + 7" rule to start with... And let us not forget it was a similar sort of age difference that caused Anakin Skywalker to fall to the dark side (he was like 10 years younger than Padme MINIMUM... cradle snatching republic ruining hussy).

Now I actually had to look up who Kim Kardashian is... At least the bieber-fuckhead made it on the news... apparently Kim is famous for being famous... much like Paris Hilton without the inherited fortune. When the fuck did people start being famous for being famous? Like seriously? At least pin up celebs used to be in movies and stuff... Who the fuck are all these people? Where do they come from? Is their some pond out the back of the Disney film lot that they just congeal in?
The other thing that Kim seems to be famous for is her ass... How? It's not even that nice and ass... I could rattle off a bunch of names of celebs and friends of mine with nicer asses... Everyone has an ass... I'd be more inclined to hear about the day to day life of someone WITHOUT an ass...
Would they just be unable to bend? Or maybe just unable to poo... either way that would make life rough... or maybe they'd just stop at the waist... See what I mean... way more interesting than someone hinged between the legs and torso.
Now I'm not bagging asses... I'm quite partial to them... In fact the hot twins at the gym doing squats in the tiny shorts was the best thing that happened all Monday... To quote the great Geoffrey "Scary Geoff" Murdoch
Do you know what arses are, Patrick? Arses are the human race's favourite thing. We like them on each other, we like them on magazine covers, we even like them on babies! When it itches, we like to scratch them, when its cold, we like to warm them, and who among us, in a lonely moment hasn't reached back for a discreet fondle? When God gave us our arses he had to stick them round the back just so we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day. Cause when God made the arse he didn't say "Hey it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early." He said "Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name!"
But to make a career out of having an ass and being a bit of a slut seems kinda bullshit to me.

Love hugs and Kisses


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