This blog is essentially a collection of posts I used to write on Facebook combined with my travel blog and expanded to make a very public forum of my thoughts regarding Pop Culture, The Interweb, Cartoons, Comics, Ultimate Frisbee, Absurdity, Life, Travel and whatever else captures my attention long enough to write about it...

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15 May 2011

The Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Semi Finals

Now normally I'd try and divide these two events into seperate blog posts and write them as they go on/just after they finish... However blogspot was being lame and not letting people log in... So I had to write my notes in word and paste them up here once I could log in. So here is my views of the semis in one hit

Countries named in bold are through to the final

Semi Final One or, "Jah ist funny Jah"

First up, that chick in purple, the "comedian" is batshit insane... And the Germans having a comedian? And they’re going to try and be funny? This could be rough... I'm filled with dread

Poland... Well she had pretty eyes and was kinda hot I guess, but clearly there’s a distinct relationship between backing singerness and pantslessness.

Norway... Entering in Swahili... I didn’t pick that, even if every second street corner has a Nigerian selling weed. I can't decide between what my dear "cousin" Eirik said "She's a wonderful representative of the multiethnicity of Norway. But the people of Eastern Europe don't like black people, so that's why she's out, at least that's my theory" or possibly what Øystein said "She can't sing. That's my theory"

Albania... Female ballad with creepy fingernails... and shit

Armenia... WTF? Boxing? Maybe there’s more in the translation? Or did Rocky only just make it to Armenia? Oh and they made a boxing ring... still one needs to wonder why

Turkey... It's a Turkish entry so someone needs to take their clothes off. He’s a bit sinister... Looks a bit like a Jackie Chan bad guy. And there was a nude lady in cage standing on her own head... then turned the cage around and she turned into a bird

Serbia... I guess the 60s just hit Serbia, but every year I hate the Serbians... this year less than others... but never mind I’m over this entry too

Russia... A Russian boy band fronted by a dancing with the stars on wood and ice winner... Totally a Russian Luke Perry, Alexi must be the Russian version of the name Dylan 

Switzerland... Ukulele! That is all

Georgia... That’s a costume... And rap sucks... But I think that they think they’re hardcore, someone should correct that... “Go back to the 90s and take Vanilla Ice with you!”... thanks Steve

Finland... They’re just copying the Belgians from last year... but even lamer... I appreciate an environmental message probably more than the next guy... but seriously lame

Malta... what perfectly plucked eyebrows, that is all

San Marino... Yes I do mind, go away... Ballads suck

Croatia... The man in the hat... Oh dear... He’s touching people... and no surprise she runs to another stage after he touches her. I’m definitely concerned about that man

Iceland... That’s one of the biggest adherents to the low bass school I’ve seen for a while

Hungary... That’s quite a ring... and a dress/toga. Plus I find heels so huge the singer can’t move amusing

Portugal... What a most glorious moustache. The Iberian peninsula does not give a shit... They’re not even trying anymore... It’s like a kids band... except for that guy on the end in camo... suspect much? And the construction guy... not much better

Lithuania... Ballad... LAME

Azerbaijan... Shit... and the male lead looks like a potential kiddie fiddler... And God is crying tears of fire

Greece... Every year the Greeks appear more and more out of control... “Stand back! I have a hat and I’m surrounded by funky people”...  Rap still sux though

Quick host interlude... seriously that guy hosting is an absolute TIT... and the comedian a bit out of control and just isn’t funny, but at least she’s recycling her jokes... recycling is good...
The drum group where quite cool, and WAY german...  Vy are you climbing zee man? Zer is nothing up zere! Get off zee drums! Zee drums are not for valking!

But there's a different Eurovision man in charge... awww

Semi Final Two or "the comedian host is growing on me... that guy is still a tit though

And she changed her dress from that one armed sail number, then she snorted when she laughed ... She's not so bad... but that guy is a tit
And every time I see that circular shot of the singer on stage I remember that it's actually done by a little man running onto stage with a camera... hilarious

Bosnia... Look look a triangle and an old man... The Balkans are weird

Austria... Ballad... Lame... The Austrian entry was my favourite for years based on the insanity... then they left and the Ukraine and Moldova (oh Moldova <3 ) took the role of most insane country. Now Austria is back and being serious and lame... disappointed

The Netherlands... I can’t help but notice there are more than 3 of them... I never  like the Netherlands

Belgium... Impressive that it was entirely vocals... and quite a haircut on the beatboxer... that is all... Should've done better I think

Slovakia... Yeah in and out I feel that the Slovakians choose their entries based on looks... The song sucks

Ukraine... Always mental and always an entry I look forward to... And a sand artist, interesting idea for a song contest... I'd be tempted to go there based solely on their Eurovision stuff

Moldova... My other favourite country... Not just because they seem to love ska but every single year they are out of control and this year is no change...Those hats are up there with the devo flower pot hats... And a unicycle! And a monocle! On that note, is there a Moldovan Idol? I would totally watch that

Sweden... Still smarting from last years failure to qualify for the first time ever Sweden has poured a shitload of money and gay onto their entry... And as observed by my brother that’s the first time I’ve seen an odd number of sleeves in a boy band

Cyprus... Every year the Cypriot entry sucks balls... that is all

Bulgaria... They’re a bit backwards, to quote Lister “they’re Bulgarians, they have very simple tastes”... Nothing about this stands out to me

FYR Macedonia... always sux... No change from that trend... I have a megaphone and a microphone, together they cancel out to make a normalphone

Israel... “Is this the transvestite again?” “Yes Mum” “That’s lucky for her then”

Slovenia... Clearly she won Slovenia Idol... Listen to her range

Romania... Each year it seems to be a 50-50 on whether or not I like them... But a fantastic pair of pants and fedoras makes feel they don’t suck as much as they apparently do suck

Estonia... No comment, bubblegum and lame... If it gets through go get ice cream or something

Belarus... I Love Belarus, well that’s a lie... I love Moldova

Latvia... Never a standout... Boring as usual

Denmark... Stupid hair and a boring band number... Not quite Wild Stalyns battle of the bands winning

Ireland... OMG Jedward is their TV show? And two guys singing a song called lipstick? 8 shoulder pads between the two of them? Oh Dear... and this is one of the favourites? Oh Double Dear... “Next season of the tv show should be called STFU jedward”

The we had some classical breakdancing... Much better than to Rap and our comedian host is totally not german, she tries to be funny and seems to be actually enjoying herself...

Well at least moldova made it through
Love, Hugs and Kisses

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