This blog is essentially a collection of posts I used to write on Facebook combined with my travel blog and expanded to make a very public forum of my thoughts regarding Pop Culture, The Interweb, Cartoons, Comics, Ultimate Frisbee, Absurdity, Life, Travel and whatever else captures my attention long enough to write about it...

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Showing posts with label Ninjas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ninjas. Show all posts

26 March 2011

Ninja Turtles, Disney Rip Offs and etc


Went to the the Royals last night, good show as normal... They did a cover of the Lion King soundtrack (much to the crowd's delight) and I've got to say I think I was born without the "disney" gene... Fantasia is kinda cool... everything else coming out of there is shit... Preachy, fluffy storeies stolen from fairy tales... The Lion King isn't original either... it's essentially just hamlet. Walt Disney was a massive dick and any studio that sues preschools for painting their characters on the walls is just asking for contempt.
True the Warner Bros where dicks too, but at least their cartoons were good... And Chuck Jones was a freaking genius.

Anyway, below is a XKCD I found years ago that was really kick ass and we where talking about last night.


This diagram is far to true... I did a ninja turtle stury at the British art museum when I was 18 and found all but donatello stuff, same as my look seeing at the Lourve and in Italy... What the hell did the Renaissance Donatello even do... I think he was an architect/sculpture, he definitely didn't paint or make anything "famous" (compared to Dave and Ms Lisa).

ANYWAY

So I had my standard ninja turtles discussion AGAIN last night... It was something I noticed back in High School and has held true from then on... The ninja turtle you liked when you where 8-9 years old is still the one that you think is the best. If anything your views have hardened to the point you're willing to fight to the death over your favourite Turtle.

So to end matters here is the official turtle ranking system
1) Donatello- The best, hands down... One of the Funny turtles (win), Rides a single kick skateboard in the original movie (win), smarter than the others (win), voiced by Corey Feldman (win), half of the best line in the movie "You're a Claustrophobic!" "You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy" and not to mention the best character in any of the computer games based on his range... Good range and bad clipping meant that in the amiga game Donatello could actually attack THROUGH THE FLOOR OF THE STORY ABOVE... killing everyone before he even got there


2) Michelangelo- One of the funny ones (win) and clearly the "coolest" but definitely trying a little to hard... Bit of a dumbass too, but can be single handedly blamed for the nunchuck popularity that still exists in the world today...

3) Raphael- Tries so hard it hurts, one of the unfunny turtles, constantly running off alone to get the shit kicked out of himself and then be used to trap the others. Crap at being in the team and an all round annoying guy... Worst choice in any of the computer games due to having absolutely no range too. Oh and he got beaten up by Casey Jones in the movie...

4) Leonardo- Unfunny and douchey but whilst better than Raphael in most respects Leonardo comes last for two reasons. One as a leader he spends his whole time waiting for orders/instructions rather than leading and Two he had the most deadly weapon of the lot (with the 2nd best range in the games) and he spends his whole time not being allowed to use it. So not only does he effectively have no weapon, he doesn't even use his hands because they're occupied holding a sword he's not allowed to use... plus he's kinda a pussy


I really did like the amiga 500 game if you hadn't noticed... Interestingly the pics I found are for the UK version, you can tell because they're the hero turtles not the ninja turtles...


Oh well

Love, Hugs and Kisses
ANt

10 October 2010

Ninjas, Uni Games and Other Things...

Many things to talk about here... none of any consequence, but that's never stopped me before... Use the big bold print to work out which section is going on about what...

So I wussed out of getting my tongue pierced... AGAIN... This sucks, I really want to get it done but I guess I'm going to need someone to "hold my hand" for it. At least I was able to get the microdermals done. But yeah the fact most people don't want me to get my tongue done kinda psyches me out of it too... which sucks because I really want it done.
I went to Industrial Strength again (I don't think I'd ever go anywhere else now) and the main dude Rob did these ones... He's a really good piercer, but his "bedside manner" or whatever you want to call it sucks. He nearly pissed himself laughing watching me try and look at the back of my head with the two mirrors to check the placement. Basically he thinks everyone is and idiot and unless you're getting suspended I don't think he has any sympathy for you over piercing fear... But he knows his stuff, does everything quickly with the minimum of fuss and gets it right... He also explains all the aftercare and whatnot properly... yeah there is a difference in price between somewhere good like Industrial Strength and your shithouse Lord of the Jewels type place, but it's soooo worth it to go somewhere good... Rob also explained to me why you can't ever get your tongue done with anything but metal at first... you can't sterilise the plastic in an autoclave because it just melts... hence why you have to get the initial bar in metal and the smaller one can be plastic when it changes after 3-4 weeks.

In other news I got back from uni games in relatively one piece... We (Mac) came 7th, which i guess is fitting but we could've done better... all our games against the 5th-8th place getters were close and could've gone either way... A bit more luck (or less) and we could've been anywhere between 5th (or even 3rd!) to 8th... It's an interesting contrast the difference in the Uni scene in the last 7 years... Back at my first uni games in 2003 if you were an Eastern Uni and you lost two anyone outside of the Eastern Region it was an absolute disgrace... It appears everyone else has caught up now...
The whole two divisions thing kinda sucks too... I can see why the admin types want it, but the whole relegation thing sucks and I'm sure some of the pummelings dished out to the "social" teams by the serious ones don't look great, but some of the social teams were getting pummeled regardless. Plus everyone knows how much a uni team can change in strength in one year, sometimes by just adding/subtracting one player... Plus there's almost no contact between the div 1 teams and div 2, which kinda sucks too... How on Earth can the social teams develop without being able to see the game as it is supposed to be played? Hell most of the social teams didn't even seem to hang around to watch the finals...
As for my personal experience... well I kinda sucked... I played a handful of points each game at best, scored a couple of goals, but didn't throw one and when I was handling half the time I ended up getting cut out in favour of punting it long... Not to mention it was a 50-50 on whether I'd get completely owned speed wise and get scored on... It was kinda frustrating, I know I could've played better than I did and I kinda feel like I let the team down pretty badly... especially by the end. Oh well.
My body didn't quite fall apart as badly as it could've... I felt the tendinitis flare up, but it's not to bad... interestingly (well not really) it was the hurty bump in my left knee killing me and the tendinitis in my right... stupid body. I think we've come to the agreement that I don't like it and it doesn't like me... Watching all our talented n00bs was quite frustrating, they're all getting worried about their throws and remembering our plays and the like (I remember being like that) and don't quite accept that given time and practice that all comes together pretty easily... My issues are the opposite, skills wise I'm doing fine (yeah I don't huck, but I don't turn the disc that often) and I don't have any issues knowing the plays and where I should be IN THEORY... But my body just won't do it... I don't have the speed or the fitness to play at that level... which sucks... Skills will come, and there's always place for fit fast people... but not for slow unfit people (unless you're one of the best throws in Aus)... And yes I know I can go to the gym etc to get my fitness up... except for the fact that if I blitz the gym (which I have done before) my knees cave in completely and I can't play... So yeah I think I won't bother even trying for Nats next year (or anymore) and mixed nats is a write off too... EUGs next year will probably be my last "big" tournie I think... if I make the squad... stupid body/knees...

And now the important topic NINJAS... I was involved in yet another pirates vs ninjas debate and an interesting point was raised... Just how many ninjas are involved in this fight... The assumption of course for the pirates is you've got a ships crew involved (no doubt complete with rackishly charming captain, quietly competant 1st mate, drunk yet talented chef and naive but lucky cabin boy) but the number of ninjas involved is a key factor due to the *drum roll*

THE LAW OF INVERSE NINJA STRENGTH

Basically think of it this way... One Ninja = Unstopable, Two Ninjas= Tough, Horde of Ninjas= Dropping like flies... Check around and this law is always true... One ninja always kicks ass (see any of your stock standard Ninja movies), but the more ninjas there are the worse they are... up until you get an army of them and they suck balls (see the Ninja army in James Bond for the easiest example). Why do you think the Ninja Turtles could never beat Shredder One on One but always whooped the Foot Clan (obviously that scene with Raph in TMNT 1 was just for dramatic tension...). Or the Three ninjas kicking the ass of the horde of ninjas sent after them despite only being kids... Batman whooping the league of shadows but struggling with Raas Al Ghul... Electra vs The Hand... Kitty Pryde... Snakeeyes in GI Joe (he always kicks everyones ass except for Storm Shadow... also a loner... and that fight is 50-50... Because Storm Shadow wears white). Shintaro the Samuri always whoops the ninjas too, because there's always 3 of them... Hell even Jackie Chan fits into this...

Basically the more faceless ninjas you are up against the worse they will be to fight

Best reasoning I found for this was online... Basically in a fight there is a limited amount of ninja ability available... if you're the only ninja on your team you get it all and therefore kick ass... If there is an army of ninjas they all get a tiny little bit (basically the costume and that's it) and then get an ass whooping dished out to them.

Mathematically this means (apparently) Threat = 1/N (where N is the number of Ninjas)

Apparently this also applies to other groups... Vampires, Werewolves, Special Forces Commandos, Bad Ass Gangstas, Predators, Aliens, Flesh Eating Bugs, Demons, Jedi and any other "elite/scary" adversary you can think of...
Zombies are another group this law heavily applies too... When the zompocalypse is breaking out nothing seems to be able to stop those zombies and they eat 99% of the world. But after a couple of days suddenly a massive horde has developed and it's childs play to take them out/sneak past them/do whatever it is you have to do to save the day/escape/kill them all etc...

So clearly the number of ninjas involved in the fight with the pirates is going to be really important... 1 ninja = pirates in trouble, army of ninjas = ninjas eating cannon ball. I think we can write off ninjas in the fight if they outnumber the pirates, and write them off also as they move towards even numbers... 4 ninjas or less I think they're going to have a good chance, more than 10 I'd say no chance and 1 ninja and it's all over for the pirates...

The other important factor is what colour are the ninjas wearing? From my late 80s early 90s ninja movie watching I've sussed out the general heirachy... Red, Blue and Grey ninjas are hopeless, Black ninjas are definitely the baseline strength for ninjas (adhering closely to the inverse strength law) and the white ninja is superior in all ways (so superior he doesn't even need to wear a camoflage colour and can in fact wear bright unstainable (have you noticed this? the white ninja never even gets dirty) white and still be invisible. Other colours are harder to factor in... Camoflage pattern ninja costumes clearly kick ass... but I don't think they could ever take out a white ninja. Against a black ninja the law of inverse strength is clearly going to be the deciding factor. This puts camoflage (and most other colour choices) on par with a black ninja.

so White > Black (or "other" colours) > Red, Blue and Grey.

Oh and the more "tech" a ninja has the worse they are... kinda... Send ninjas in with "modern" weapons (guns/grenades/etc) and they're going to get whooped regardless of numbers or colours. But more futuristic tech and it becomes more related to the number of them... Hence Snakeeyes can use a gun and his funky ninja suit happily because he is always alone. But a group of ninjas with high tech suits and lasers will go down even faster than an army of traditional ninjas.

The only exception to this is Storm Shadow from GI Joe... Fighting Snakeeyes is always a 50-50 for him... Obviously the law of strength is in play (unless Storm Shadow is the only Cobra Ninja involved Snakeeyes will win). Storm Shadow has the advantage in his white suit and traditional weaponry, but Snake Eyes wins out with "hero" factor... That's why a fight between the two is always so close... They're so finely balanced...

So that's a lot of procrastination written up... I'll start my assignment tomorrow

Love, Hugs and Kisses
ANt